Communication is Key

I've been reading a lot of posts on facebook about relationships and dealing with some communication issues in my own life and I have come to the conclusion that nothing matters in a relationship if you can not communicate with the other person.

When communicating you have to realize that it isn't just about the words but your tone, your non verbal signals and sometimes even your timing can have an affect on your message.

I've noticed that there are some people who feel like they like can say whatever they please and wonder why they get the reactions that they get. What they fail to realize is the power of their words and message. When you are constantly putting negative energy into the world and aiming it toward people, it is not possible that you will receive positive energy. You may have friends that will go along with what you are saying but how seriously do you think they are going to take you. They will not view you as a positive force in their life rather as means of entertainment.

Now...I got this from Dr. Phil but he says you can tell a relationship is over when people begin to engage in character assassination. This is when you are not dealing with whatever issue is on the table and start to focus on saying mean things about the person. You see, once you reach that point it is hard to recover because those hurtful words will stick in their head. When communicating about an issue, especially when you don't agree, it is best to stick to the issue. Don't focus on what the other person has done, rather talk about how you feel, how the issue has effected you. Then you have to be open to listening to how the other person feels. You can not force people to feel a certain way and you can not judge their feelings as right or wrong. Everyone is entitled to their feelings. If you are not willing to listen and hear the other person out, you should ask yourself how much you really care about this person.

No matter what type of relationship you are in, you have to be willing to communicate. You have to be open, honest and willing to listen. Not every conversation that you want to have will occur when you want it to so be patient. Communication is the key to building and sustaining a successful relationship with family, friends, coworkers and everyone else in your life. Not having an effective way to communicate with others will make it difficult for you to have healthy relationships.

Relationships are like finding a good outfit

When I worked in retail, it would frustrate me to no end when a woman would come in, find the perfect dress/outfit and say, "I love it! But I am going to keep looking."

Did this mean that she really didn't love it or that she was convinced that she would find something that she loved more?

Lately, I have been thinking that this happens in relationships also. You find the right person, everything is going well with the exception of a few hick-ups (but you are going to have them with anyone, human nature) and instead of you committing, you decide to keep looking.

I am convinced that as long as you live, there will always be someone more attractive than your mate, there will be someone smarter, better in bed and probably even more romantic. What you have to realize and accept is that this person is here now and they obviously want to be with you also. This ultimate person who embodies all of your qualities in the perfect portions, may or may not exist.

Just like the shopper, yeah, there may be a better outfit but at what cost - financially and time wise. Imagine if you made the committment to what is in front of you. Accept that this is what is for you and continue moving forward with your life. You are free to pursue other interests with the time you were spending trying to find perfection.

After some of those women left my store, I wondered if they found that more perfect dress. Some of them came back and were lucky enough to find their previous selection waiting for them while others were not so lucky. How many of you have been in that situation? You walked away hoping to find something better only to realize how great what you had before was. Sometimes we spend so much time focusing on what is missing that we forget about all of things that we do have.

In the movie "Why Did I Get Married" they discuss the 80/20 rule. I think this is applicable in many of life's situations espeically relationships. You are not satisfied with your 80% but end up leaving it for 20%.

This is not to say that you should settle for less than you deserve but don't get so caught up in the little things that you miss the greatness being offered...